Nov
29

confessions of a retard - part five: love me until it hurts.

Filed Under (confessions of a retard.) by fueledbymaruchanramen on 29-11-2005

 

i never forced anyone to love me.  i have never begged anyone to love me.  i don’t even recommend that people love me because i’m simply not lovable.  in fact, i’m rather easy to hate.  i do one thing and people start carrying torches and farm tools and then set off hunting me down like i’m some abominable creature from hell.  [think of movies like: frankenstein, dracula, beauty and the beast.]

 sometimes i purposely make people hate me because it’s a whole lot easier than trying to make everybody like you.  sometimes, i’m just plain horrible and people start hating me even before i say a word.  i guess i have a knack for driving people away without trying too hard, huh?

 i never asked anyone to love me.  i just don’t think i deserve to be loved.  i don’t want to be forced to love anyone either, so… i guess it’s just fair. 

 i never wanted to be my dad’s favorite because i’m such a letdown.  i never asked that my grandma love me more than any of her grandkids because i’m not a good grandkid.  i never wanted my friends to love me because they know how i screw things up.

 but i guess unconditional love knows no bounds.  no matter how worthless or unpleasant you are, no matter how much you make people’s lives miserable, no matter how close you are to becoming the offspring of the devil, if someone loves you, you really can’t force that person not to.  [likewise, if someone hates you, you can't force that person to like you no matter how hard you try.  that's called unconditional hatred.]  all you can do is to take all the love in and try to make good use of it.

 if you love them back, you love them back.  if you can’t love them back, then you can’t. 

 it’s rather difficult to be loved when you’re not perfect and you’re always letting people down.  being loved makes you want to be a better person.  being loved makes you want to transform from a worthless piece of crap to a gift from heaven.

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 oh, but i can’t be THAT.

 



2 Comments Already, Leave Yours Too

Sheryl on 29 November, 2005 at 5:42 am #
    

hmm…so what it you’re a piece of crap (?) ?

i love you glad….lamo yan.

amor vincit omnia (love conquers all)

totoo ba yun? in our case, guess it is.

i love it when you screw things up, i love it when you’re being the “mataray” you. i miss your “o my god!” comments.


glad on 30 November, 2005 at 2:34 am #
    

yung phrase na ‘piece of crap,’ metaphor lang ‘yon.

figuratively speaking, i’m a piece of crap.

but i’m really not.

he he. [sabay bawi.]


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