i think i have an eating disorder.

["not again," you might say.  but what else is there to do but tell]  it’s not fullblown anorexia or bulimia or anything as scary as that, but it’s a little bothersome.  to me at least. 

i’m thin.  i’m getting thinner by the day.  i look at my dresser mirror and i see my ribs through my skin.  i’ve always been thin but i’ve never actually lacked this much subcutaneous tissue.  i’m beginning to look like a skeleton.  if i lose anymore weight, i’d save myself a few bucks for not buying a costume for haloween and still be “in tune” with the occasion.

i don’t eat regularly - like with some form of schedule or something.  i just eat when i feel like eating.  binge-eating.  i don’t purge or vomit, though.  and i don’t think i’m fat.  [so i don’t believe it’s psychological.]

well, i think my face is fat.  but that’s about it.  i’m not weight-conscious.  i just happen to prefer eating small meals.

it started as some form of disciplining myself.  i used to eat tons and complain about constipation right after.  i decreased my dietary intake and increased my fluids so that i’d be able to prevent straining while defecating.  worked just fine.

but then i noticed [and someone else noticed, too] that i wasn’t really eating more than a cup of rice every meal.  and it went on like that for almost a year now.

lately, i’m skipping meals and opting for chocolate bars instead because i don’t have time to eat a full meal anymore.  the scary part is: i like eating chocolate bars and i don’t mind not eating on time or not eating at all.

i hope it’s just a phase.  i wouldn’t wanna end up in a clinic trying to ward off another psychiatric problem.  i haven’t even finished fending this oneoff!  i bet that once all the stressors of my life are done doing what they’ve set out to do [i.e. stress me out], i’d be back to eating platters of rice and stuff.

then you’d be seeing a moon-faced/edematous glädys.  wow [sarcastically].  that’s something to look forward to.