kasi apparently, kailangan ko pa rin pala.

wala akong outlet eh. i mean i do. i have other things to do but i kind of miss writing. i haven’t written anything for the longest time. and it’s been bugging me these past few weeks.

and it’s the only way i can let people know how i really feel. di ba repressed nga ako? i’m trying to be/speak/talk as candid(ly) as i possibly can but i really can’t express my views/feelings just as well as when i write them down.

and nobody really knows me. i’ve just recently discovered that out of all the people who “know” me or have met me, only half of them have a vague idea of how i feel or where i stand in terms of issues (personal or societal) and even less know the really important details about my life. most of them have preconceived notions of me that are entirely wrong… or worse, are entirely shallow/trivial.

i guess if i keep this journal going and if i kick the bucket one day and people finally decide that they’d really like to know me (albeit, posthumously), they’d have something to read, right? at least, i won’t be just another stone in the graveyard of oblivion.

plus, no one would write about me. that’s a fact. writers can’t expect the non-writers to write about them. only famous, well-loved writers can rest in peace knowing that they will never be forgotten because other writers will write about them.

i am not famous. and absolutely not well-loved. so i might as well write about myself. i’m not narcissistic in any way. i don’t write because i want people to put me on a pedestal.  i just can’t stand the thought of being forgotten, of coming into this world unnoticed and leaving it the same way. i mean, who would want that?

i wouldn’t. but hey, that’s how life goes, right? especially for people like me who are having difficulty relating to others and having even more difficult time keeping relationships.

so instead of complaining, i think i’ll just write. about anything. it’s still similar to talking to a person except that the person does not reply or say anything judgmental - which i prefer, by the way…

as i’ve written before, “the realm of words is the one place where i can be myself and someone or something else all at the same time and where there will be no judgment pertaining to our differences as human beings. there lies, instead, a sanctuary of souls, a place where only one particular thing matters, the love of writing…”