Congratulations.

The earth is still intact.  We’ve been given another year to prove that we’re the lords of its land, skies, and oceans.  Our species still reigns supreme.

**Every year, we celebrate the renewal of the Roman calendar.  We look forward to starting all over again with clean slates.  We hope for a better “us” in the year to come.  We make resolutions and we “promise” to stick to them as best we can as humanly possible.  We even collect round fruits and blow things up to scare away the demons that the Chinese said brought bad luck. 

The days will pass and next thing we know… we’re back to step one.  Repeat **.

What’s so new with the new year?  It’s all the same to me.  The years bleed into each other like drops of watercolor on wet paper.  January 1 is just a date to me.  It’s like all the other days of the year.  It’s a reminder that another notch has been removed from our life bar (think computer games, that sort of thing…) and that we’re a year closer to the moment we “shuffle off this mortal coil” - which is Shakespearean for “die” or “kick the bucket” or “croak.”

But that’s just my two cents, of course.  I’m well aware that it doesn’t apply to everyone.  So… for everyone else:

Happy New Year.  May you finally get to accomplish/fulfill the resolutions you’ve listed and may the new year bring about blessings, good health, and prosperity. 

I’m resigning.  And it’s for real this time.  No lame excuses.  I’m leaving for good.  Effective February 5, 2009.

I also opened a bank account.  I was supposed to get a passbook in BPI but the BPI personnel in the branch near our residence were unnerving.  So I just went to BDO.  The BDO people are a lot friendlier.

I didn’t attend the Sykes Year-end Party and just rendered Saturday OT instead.  By doing that, I saved myself from another frustration (i.e. venue was bigger but food was scarce) and I was able to save and earn more money.

I got a call from St. Luke’s and I took the initial exam about 1-2 weeks ago.  Can’t quite remember.  I passed only to find out that I have to wait with 600 other applicants for an interview with HR.  Mahaba-habang hintayan na naman ‘to.  But it’s better than nothing, of course.

My brother was accidentally hit by a stupid motorist last week.  He and his girlfriend were crossing an intersection when this scooter from hell came out of the middle of the road (on a red light and in the middle of incoming and outgoing traffic lanes) and hit them and sent them flying (well, not really but you get the drill, right?) across muddy concrete.  Luckily (and I say this with a lot of sarcasm), my brother was not badly injured (he only, ever so slightly, twisted his ankle and was not able to walk straight for a few days and had a few scratches here and there) and was able to come out of the situation alive and with all his appendages intact. 

I had to run out of the house (without changing my clothes, which I’ve worn for work from the night before and without brushing my teeth or combing my hair) to get a cab just to see if my brother was okay.  You can tell that I’m such a worrier. 

A few days after that (during the weekend), my brother caught intestinal flu (or maybe just a bad case of indigestion or intestinal protozoa, whichever floats your boat) and I had to accompany him to the doctor for consultation and prescription meds and I had to take care of him.  He just had to get well because he was scheduled to take an exam the following Monday.

It’s just been a tough week for him.  I hate it when these things happen.  I’m more than willing to take care of my siblings when they become ill, of course, but it’s just difficult for me to see them getting sick…

Sa totoo lang, kung tutuusin, swerte pa ako eh…

Araw-araw, nakakakain ako ng agahan, tanghalian, at hapunan.  Minsan, may merienda pa ‘pag tinamaan ng tomguts.  Habang ang iba diyan, minsan lang sa isang araw kumain.  Yung iba, hindi na talaga nakakakain.  Kung medyo sinisipag, yung iba, manghahalukay ng basura at maghahanap ng itinapong pagkain.  Pero marami diyan, matutulog na lang o titira ng solvent/rugby, solve na/’di na namamalayan ang kalam ng sikmura…

May bahay akong nauuwian.  Hindi nga siya sa amin at nirerentahan lang.  Pero, at least, may bahay kami.  Marami diyan, kung saan-saan na lang tumitira.  Yung iba, palipat-lipat. Sa kalsada, sa riles, sa sementeryo, sa ilalim ng tulay, sa kariton.  Kung saan abutan ng gabi o kung saan may masisilungan kapag nag-aalburoto ang panahon o kung saan ‘di sila paaalisin…

Kapag nagkakasakit ako, may doktor na pwedeng puntahan para magpatingin.  May pera pambili ng paracetamol.  Marami diyan, ‘di alam na may sakit na sila.  Yung iba, dahil sa hirap ng buhay, kahit alam na nila na may sakit sila, ‘di pa rin nagpapatingin.  Kapag nagpatingin naman at kailangang magpa-laboratory o bumili ng gamot o magpaopera, ‘di makapagpa-test/makabili ng gamot/makapagpaopera kasi wala sa budget (siyempre, pagkain muna ang uunahin) o kaya, talagang wala lang pera.  Yung iba, mamamatay na hindi matitingnan ng doktor…

May trabaho ako.  Hindi nga ako nagtatrabaho bilang isang nurse.  Hindi nga ako masaya.  Pero may trabaho pa rin.  Malaki-laki din ang sweldo.  Marami diyan, hirap na hirap makahanap ng trabaho.  Yung iba, may trabaho, pero hindi sapat ang kinikita.  Yung iba, lagpas na ng retirement age, ‘di pa makapagretiro dahil may kailangang buhaying pamilya.  Yung iba, kapit-patalim: nakikipagsapalaran sa ibang bansa para maibenta, ma-rape, mapagbintangan ng krimen na ‘di naman ginawa, mabitay nang walang kaukulang paglilitis, atbp., para lang maiahon ang pamilya sa kahirapan.  May iba, nasasadlak sa krimen, nagnanakaw, pumapatay, nagbebenta ng bawal na gamot, nagbebenta ng laman, ipinagbibili ang prinsipyo, atbp., para lang makaraos…

Oo nga, swerte pa ako.  Wala akong dapat ireklamo.  Tuwing matutukso akong magreklamo tungkol sa buhay ko, iisipin ko na lang, wala akong karapatan…

Dahil swerte pa rin ako, kahit papaano.

I’ve hit rock bottom. I guess this is how it feels knowing that you’re at a dead end. No progress. No growth. No fulfillment. Nothing accomplished.

You get paid, yes. But that’s not the point.

Going in, you prioritize job satisfaction over high salary. You get blinded by the bucks they wave at your face to get you going but after a while, you realize that the moment you start going after that bait, you’ve been corrupted.

The high salary is an illusion. A mirage. A false oasis. If you see beyond that, there’s only sand or an endless barren expanse. Maybe even a cliff. Or — if you’re downright nihilistic — an abyss.

I hate my job. Easy enough to say.

But it’s hard to deal with. Especially if it’s the only means of sustenance or the only lifeline you’ve got.

You don’t need it to survive. (’Coz as they all say: “all we need is love.” Right.)

But you just got to keep it because people depend on you to keep it.

That’s even harder to deal with.

But I love the people who depend on me. Cross my heart and hope to god that I die. No question about that.

Even with that in mind though, I STILL hate my job.

And that’s the worst feeling of all: knowing that you hate (nay, abhor) something and you just can’t get away from it.

Going out, you will still prioritize job satisfaction over high salary. But you’ll be missing something…

Oh yeah, you’ll be leaving your enthusiasm and “zest” (god, I just had to use that term) for life in the dark, cold, remote corner you used to call your work station/cubicle.

Not that there’s any of it left anyway.