Here I am, forcing a smile between gritted teeth.  Telling myself it’s all going to be just peachy. Convincing the voices inside that this is just the workings of paranoia and discontent and nothing else.  That tomorrow will be better.  That I am worth something.  That I have done well.  That my parents are happy and satisfied with what I’ve become.

But the frown lines just won’t go away.  Somehow, graduating from college and getting a degree isn’t enough.  I have to get an MA. Or become a dialysis nurse or a nurse-anesthetist or, good heavens, why not both?  Or work as a nurse in Canada or New Zealand or any country but the Philippines.  Apparently, getting a job that pays isn’t good enough.  I have to get a job in the best hospitals and in the best areas.  And I have to get a high-paying job with a salary that is ridiculously high so that I can afford to be ridiculously rich and hopefully become ridiculously happy at the end of the day.

Whose happiness is this that I am so robotically pursuing?  Is it mine still?  Or have I embraced the culture of dissatisfaction that this materialistic society has engraved in us?

I just want a simple life.  Is it too much to ask?

As it turns out, the “job” I was just writing about the other day, wasn’t so much of a job after all.  I didn’t really apply for it, a “brod” of mine just referred me to someone who was just about to start his own IT-related company.  The work itself was light/easy by my standards.  And my potential co-workers and boss were all really nice, straightforward people.

The thing that didn’t work out for me was the distance of the office (it was still in a residence somewhere in Balara Quezon City) and the “flexible” work hours (which was from Monday to Saturday, 8-5pm).  The reason why I wanted to work in the first place was: I wanted to earn money to afford trainings related to the nursing profession. In order to do that, I needed to be employed.  But I needed a schedule that will ALLOW me to leave work and attend trainings.  And that’s not what I found out when I started working Monday.

So, I candidly (but ever so politely) declined the offer.  I was in a probationary phase anyway and my ex-potential boss told me I could try it for a few days and if I didn’t like it, we’d part ways, no questions asked.  And that’s exactly what happened.

Call me provincial or picky, but I’ve already learned my lesson well, working in Sykes. So I gotta be careful here.  Can’t just take any job (no matter how desperate I am to work again).  But I guess, looking back, I think I just jumped into the water without testing it first.

Oh well. On to the next employment opportunity! =)

There’s a running joke among us siblings that has something to do with somebody close to my brother being “psycho.” Note: this post has nothing to do with that person, okay? 2nd note: the pun-ny (funny, get it?) name came from my sister, Glen, the pun queen. 

As it turns out, there’s somebody even more psychotic than the person being referred to as “psycho.” And it’s not even me.

And I’m not going to elaborate because it’d cause karma to come knocking on my door again the second I let it loose. So yes, I guess being psychotic runs in MY family.

And it feels so good knowing I’m not alone.  I’m sooo happy!

I gotta be spontaneous and quick.  My thoughts are spilling over the brim…  And I’m not writing fast enough.

My brother’s visa was approved.  He did the interview June 4th and on that same day, the consul hinted that he’s good to go!  I prayed like four times that morning just so the visa requirements would get accepted.  And all my hard work paid off!  He received his visa on June 6th and he’s got til December 3 to use it. He said he’ll leave in November. Arghh!  I’ll miss my brother…  I hope everything goes well for him out there…

My sister (Glen, of course, who else is there to write about?) just got accepted as a Clinical Instructor in UP-CAMP. I’m a proud Ate.  I know I didn’t do anything  for that to materialize (’coz Glen’s a big girl and she can do whatever she puts her heart into and because she’s well on her own) but I can’t help but think about how much my lil’ sis had grown…

My dad is slowly getting something done about his birth certificate.  I’m hoping we won’t have to go through too much to get it because it’s really important (for me and for the family) that he migrates and gets to live with my mom and brother.  He NEEDS to travel and have a life…

As for me, I’m moving on.  Well, sort of.  I just need a little nudge/reminder now and then and I’d be fine.  Right now, I’m trying to enjoy my life as much as possible and I’m feelin’ pretty gooood!  I’m hoping my stroke of luck would continue but I’m also expecting that it might not.  ‘Coz these kinds of things don’t usually last a long time.  Oh well.  This is my motto now: NEVER TAKE ANYTHING OR ANYONE FOR GRANTED…

I just finished my IVT and BLS seminars and I’ve already received my IVT and BLS certificates and BLS card.  My IVT completion date is on July 13 and I’m going to wear white again.  I’ve already enrolled in a post-grad training in Delos Santos Hospital and I’ll start in October. I’m guessing it’s gonna be fun because I’m hoping that my old classmates and a newfound friend will join me. 

And yes, I’ve taken my NCLEX finally. Took it on May 27. It was nerve-wracking. Will elaborate on it in a post-dated entry… I got my results: June 18th. I freakin’ passed.  I guess I’m meant to be a nurse after all…

And most importantly, I’m going to work again!  Starting this Monday.  My “brod” (who works in a law enforcement agency) referred me to a certain IT manager/CEO for a computer/SEO company.  He’s been really helpful (and I’ve been such a pain in the @ss for him lately) so: THANKS BROD!  I’m hoping to get a glimpse of how it is to work in an SEO company and I’m quite nervous and excited.  I hope that things would go smoothly for my first week.  If things don’t go well, then, it’s off to Starbucks for me. He he. =)

But I’m still looking for a job in the nursing profession. I just can’t be so picky now that the recession is slowly creeping in.  I need the money so that I can afford to attend trainings and possibly volunteer in a hospital just so I can get work experience.